In both Gethsemane and on the road to Calvary, the Gospels emphasize Jesus’ emotional suffering, not the scourging, the nails, the blood.
What’s emphasized is that in his most trying time, Jesus was very much alone. In his bitterest hours, Jesus suffered from what might best be described as moral loneliness.
The term “moral loneliness” I think should be credited to Robert Coles, who first used it to describe French philosopher Simone Weil. What it suggests is that inside each of us there’s a deep centre, where all that’s tender, sacred, cherished, and precious is kept and guarded.
It’s here, in that deep centre, where we’re most sincere, are still innocent, and where we unconsciously remember that once, before birth, we were caressed by hands gentler than our own. Here we remember the primordial kiss of God. It’s also in this place, more than any other, that we fear lies, harshness, disrespect, being shamed, ridiculed, or violated.
We’re most vulnerable there, so we’re scrupulously careful as to whom we admit into this space, our moral centre, even as our deepest longing is precisely for someone to share that place with us. More than we need someone to sleep with sexually, we need someone to sleep with morally. We need a soulmate.
But these aren’t easy to find. It’s rare to have a perfect moral partner, even inside of a good marriage or friendship. As more of the tensions of life descend on us, we perennially face a double temptation: Resolve the tension by giving into various compensations which, while not the answer, get us through the night; or, perhaps worse still, give into bitterness, anger, and cynicism, and in this way drop our ideals because it’s too painful to live with them. Either way we sell ourselves short and settle for second-best.
Our own moral loneliness can be tyrannical in the pressures it puts on us. But that’s not a license or invitation to begin jettisoning commitments, responsibilities, morals, and whatever else it takes, to try to find that one-in-a-million romance, that perfect soulmate, who can complete us.
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